The Weight - The Band

Press Play;

The weight.mp3

Take a load off Fannie, take a load for free;
Take a load off Fannie, And (and) (and) put the load right on me.

Got up late this morning and walked into the bathroom. Thought it was weird that Debbie had the radio on at 9am on a Saturday morning. First thing she says to me is, "they took them over." I don't have a clue what she is talking about and look at her quizzically. "THEY TOOK THEM OVER." And then I know what she means. It was expected, but still I held out hope. Our former employer is about to become a true government entity. Sigh.

I feel very melancholy about this. It's hard to believe it's been 8 1/2 years since I walked out the doors of 4000 Wisconsin Avenue, and away from a 14 year chapter. The thickest chapter of my adult life so far, for sure. Fannie Mae was the place I grew older and up, the place where I met some of my closet friends and my real life partner. It was the place where I learned not to be constrained by what Jim Collins calls the "tyranny of the or" - mission and markets are compatible...indeed mutually reinforcing. It was at once a dynamic, frustrating, progressive, hierarchical, generous place that I came to love and loved me back.

Fannie and Freddie were a grand experiment - not quite fish, not quite fowl. Two entities developed to serve America's homebuyers while also enriching shareholders and employees. And now - for reasons that have been, and will be, discussed and gotten only partly right by the media - the grand experiment is over. Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac will become, for all intents and purposes, fowl. Not fish. In my mind, fish swim relatively freely in oceans and streams, they run the risk of getting eaten by the larger guys, picked at by the smaller guys, and caught by the fisherman. Fowl these days tend to live in a small yard or coop, get fed only when someone feeds them, lay a few eggs now and then, are constrained from flight, and their future is always dependent upon the benevolence of their "owner." Yes, the experiment went a-fowl.

And then there is the issue of the people who were counting on some form of Fannie Mae stock for their retirement or next chapter. ESOP? Nope. Stock options? Nope. Loyal shareholders who hoped Paulson's bazooka strategy would work? Not so much. And there are a million questions about pensions, retirees' benefits, and myriad other issues that are real to real people.

It's just so sad and disappointing. Pride, arrogance, a feeling of invincibility. They'll kill ya. And they did. Kinda like learning about John Edwards' dalliances, but worse. So much promise and historically so much value provided and created. As Robert Frost wrote, "nothing gold can stay."

Joking - Indigo Girls (for john mccain)

You were only joking, brother

With all due respect to Sarah Palin, who has made history and who clearly is a talented, accomplished woman, like so many women I know...here are some facebook and twitter status updates of people I know after the announcement:

newsflash: 24 years later, Republican Party follows suit (white male, D)

yes she is exactly who you need and who this country needs (white female, former HRC supporter)

is liking abc.com's comment, "Brilliant Pick or Dan Quayle in a Dress?" (white male, not sure)

Sarah Palin may be a woman...but she is still a gun-toting pro-lifer (white female, D)

is incensed and insulted, as all women should be (30yr old white female, D)

thinks Sarah Palin looks like Tina Fey (white male, not sure)

is wondering what kind of president Obama will be. (white male, R lobbyist)

now realizes that the universe wants Obama to lead the U.S. For reals, not just in the dream land in my head. (white female, D I think)

isn't sure what more to say to his daughter who, upon hearing John McCain's choice for VP, shouted "Is he on crack!" So far, I've said "no." (same R from above)

The Galway Girl - Steve Earle

Watched a really horrible movie last night - PS - I Love You. The absolute best thing about the movie was this song, which we heard twice - in both cases sung by "Irishmen." Totally the best part of the movie.

It isn't the first time I've watched a really bad movie and come away thinking, "well, at least there was that song in it." So, here are a few other examples:

5. We Don't Need Another Hero - Tina Turner from MadMax Beyond the Thunderdome. I barely made it through that movie. Tina, on the other hand, belted out a great one.

4. I Will Always Love You - Whitney Houston - from The Bodyguard. OK, so this movie wasn't a total zero, but pretty freakin' cheesy fare. This may be the best demonstration of the pipes that Whitney had pre- "crack is whack."

3. Kiss from a Rose - Seal - from Batman Forever. Val Kilmer? What a disappointment.

2. You Got It - Whoopi & Mary Louise Parker - From Boys on the Side. First, it's against lesbian law to say this movie sucked, but, um, it was not so good. This scene, however tear-jerky, was a killer, and the soulfulness with which thew Whoopster sings is breathtaking. And then the movie ends with Bonnie Raitt doing her version of this great Roy Orbison song.

and...my personal favorite example from a recent movie

1. Mr. Brightside - The Killers, as butchered by a Cameron Diaz sing-a-long in the awful movie, The Holiday. This seemed to have promise - Cameron Diaz (that smile), Jude Law (those eyes), Kate Winslet (that accent), and Jack Black (that humor). UGH.

Of the four of you who actually read this blog, got any to add?

Daughters - John Mayer

PRESS PLAY:

John Mayer - Daugh...

"So Mothers be good to your daughters too..."

This morning I read a blog post that I can't get our of my brain, and the refrain of John Mayer's song is the background track. While the song is more about fathers and daughters, there is that cautionary reminder in the final line of the chorus.

The blog post was written by a lovely woman I met at a conference a month or so ago, and since then I have been reading her blog. She is not a "super blogger" in the sense of Dooce or her peers, and maybe because of that - and the fact that we seem on first blush to have a fair amount in common - I like reading her posts. I'm not linking to the post I refer to, because I don't in any way want the author to think that I am judging or criticizing her, and while they say that once you put shit out there in the blogosphere it's public domain, it just doesn't feel right.

But here's the gist of the post: Explanation of why distance had been created by blogger and her mom - values, lack of interest in her kids, her life, disappointment. Young daughter asking mom, "why don't we ever see our other grandma? " Mom trying graciously to explain history, hurt and distance in a way that doesn't justify, but is honest. Next line:

My mother died tonight. I'll never get a chance to try to bridge the chasm between us. But I also know in my heart that it was unlikely that the attempt would have made a difference.

That kicked my ass. Wasn't expecting it really. Got me thinking.

The relationship between mothers and daughters is so very complex. I think about the little microcosm here in our house. My relationship with my mom is quite good. She lives a country away, but we email ongoingly, talk every other weekend, share a lot of core beliefs, values, and foibles. Not perfect, and I have disappointments, as I'm sure she does, but we are lucky.

Debbie's relationship with her mom is very good now, but that wasn't always the case. Now they talk daily - mostly because of her Dad's cancer treatment. I have watched Debbie work hard to bridge the differences and hurts and to forgive, if not forget. That is awfully hard to do and I admire her for it. But I also totally get that it is not the best or healthiest path for everyone.

Debbie and Carly's relationship is more of the "modern" type - they laugh, they fight, they make fun of people together. They like the same kind of music (mostly), we know a whole lot about her friends, boys, fears, and accomplishments. As time has gone on, they even play beer pong together. If I had a dollar for every time Carly said, "Mom, you are going to be in the room with me when I give birth," I could buy a bottle of Grey Goose.

I have two goddaughters, and they have two mothers. That presents twice as much opportunity for warmth, support, fun and unconditional love. And of course, 2x as much opportunity for disappointment, and the other yucky stuff. I have confidence the former will be the case, but of course time will tell.

Several of my friends have had girls - ranging in age from 10 to two months. These mothers are 21st century - open, empowered, strong and spectacular (in my humble opinion) , just as i suspect my new blogger friend is. They have the chance to get it "more right." I know they will.

Girls in Their Summer Clothes - Bruce

PRESS PLAY

06 - Bruce Springs...

Growing up in Northern California, we went to the beach pretty frequently. Generally a day trip. A couple of times my folks rented a house and we stayed for a week in or near Santa Cruz. 40 years later I come to the Outer Banks with la familia and friends each late July/early August for a week. The experiences are somewhat different:

1968: "Stop fighting with your brother about who sits in the 'way back,' it's only a 45 minute drive"
2008: "Let's drive 4 hours to Norfolk, stay the night, and drive the second 4 hours on Saturday am"

1968: "Make sure you pack a sweatshirt, it'll be chilly at night"
2008: "Close the doors, it's letting in all the hot air and the AC can't keep up"

1968: Cliffs, wetsuits, the Big Dipper and frisbee
2008: Dunes, sting rays, Kitty Hawk Kites and cornhole

1968: "Donna, you have been in the water for four hours, it's time to come out."
2008: "Donna, are you ever going to get that lazy butt out of the chair and go swimming?"

1968: "Ok, everyone, put on your baby oil."
2008: "Who's got the 42 SPF?"

1968: Forecast for the week: Sunny, sunny, sunny, sunny, sunny, sunny, sunny
2008: Forecast for the week: Sunny, Scattered Thunderstorms, Sunny, Isolated Thunderstorms..."

1968: Sittin on the Dock of the Bay - Otis Redding
2008: Breakout - Miley Cyrus

1968 or 2008, there aren't too many things better than the beach.

I'm Every Woman - Chaka Khan

I spent half of Friday and most of Saturday at the BlogHer 08 conference. I was definitely not the "prototypical" attendee. I have this pathetic blog, and I post on the GlobalGiving blog every so often, but in general I was there as a partner to the organization, not as a blogger. Ahem, BlogHer.

I came into the office today and about half of the members of our gargantuan team asked me, individually, "how was the BlogHer conference?" And each time I said the same thing - it was fascinating.

And that is what it was.

It was a business conference.
It was a party.
It was sorority.
It was a therapy session.
It was a comedy central special.
It was a drama queen event.
It was a hyper-wired community.
It was the mommy bloggers and the shark advertisers.
It was the netroots and the RNC's digital woman.
It was not very racially or ethnically diverse. Honestly.
It was Wii fitness, Lesbian Dad and the makeover booth.
It was twitter, ustream and blogspot. nonstop.
It was east, south, north, west.
It was lipstick lesbians and white trash moms.
It was fabulous.
It was alive.
It was crazy making.
It was inspiring.
It was fun.

It was every woman.

Down Under - Men at Work

It's been a while since I thought about or listened to this song. It was released sometime while I was in college for sure - maybe 1983. I remember that we all thought Men at Work was really cool, with "Who Can it Be Now," and then "Land Down Under." Australia seemed like an exotic place a LONG plane ride away. We got into it when a bunch of friends who played on the UC Davis women's basketball team went to Australia to play.

I was reminded of Men at Work while mulling over the book I just finished: The Road From Coorain, by Jill Ker Conway. All I knew about Conway was that at some point in the 70s she became the first woman President of Smith College. The book is a memoir of her formative years, first on the family sheep farm in the outback, and then in Sydney in the 1950's. I had first seen the book years ago, but recently my mom sent me a copy, suggesting I might enjoy it. I was only moderately enthusiastic about reading it, but cracked it open nonetheless.

I'm so glad I did.

Life for educated, intellectual women in Sydney in the late 50's probably wasn't that different from life in most parts of the United States at the same time. Jill Ker was a girl under the manipulative control of her widowed mother. But more so, she was coming to grips with her self-expectations as an Australian, as a woman, as a professional. Toward the end of the book, which ends when she is about 25 and heads to Harvard to get a PhD, Ker Conway writes aggressively about experiencing explicit and initially devastating discrimination in the job market.

And then I thought, "Wait, why was there not a woman leading the most famous women's college in the world until the 1970s?" Hmm. I realize how much I, a 45 year old, took for granted about what doors were open to me in the 1980s as I went to college and entered the working world. But I grew up in a very progressive household - my mom was the 12-year old tennis champ of San Francisco Parks & Rec in 1942 for goodness sake. I guess my frame of mind was shaped by having played sports, and the changing views and rules of that era - including the passage of Title IX - but I was in a cohort that represented the beginning of a different mindset.

The evolution of womens' views about their "equality" has really been on my mind for the last few months - Hillary's run at the White House, seeing Billie Jean King (Can you say Women's Sports Foundation?) in DC recently, a conversation with someone working on Obama's "women's outreach" strategy. This last one - the Obama friend - mentioned that they are debating inside the campaign what to call this "woman thing (my words)." And she admitted that "they" are mostly women 45 or older, for whom the term "post-feminist" is insulting at best.

At the same time I'm struck by the crop of female summer interns we have this year at GlobalGiving. These young women don't feel hindered by their gender. They do not relate to "the women's movement" or the concept of "feminism" in the historic definition of these terms. It's all pretty much a given for them. But they do appreciate the leaders who paved the way for them. And they do realize that, conceptually, women are still not equally compensated for the same jobs, are still objectified in many/most US sub-cultures, and are still sometimes subjected to institutional sexism. It's just not how they view the world.

As someone who came in the "tweener" generation, I feel a strong obligation to be a bridger between the generations that came before and after me, who seem to not really understand each other's perspective yet.

The band is called MEN at Work...miles to go before we sleep.